3/10/2026

I don’t know when I became the type of person to just, “let life happen” to them. 

Between child loss, chronic illness, and relationship trauma – the last 7 years or so have been more real-life telenovela than any reasonable life should be. Maybe is karma, maybe it’s penance for the ‘sins’ of my past – but here it is.

Anyone who knows me would probably say that vulnerability isn’t in my nature, but here’s my attempt at it. I’m starting this project in hopes of two things. 

1. I hope you can learn from my past mistakes – but still be able to live, love, and trust your tribe. 
   
2. I hope you can always love yourself – even if it feels like the whole world is telling you not to. 

After months of house hunting, I received a visit from the deputy sheriff yesterday. My roommate had “changed his mind” about selling me our house and wanted us out on the street right away. 

In that moment, I realized I had gotten got. With the kids at school, and little time to grab any of our personal belongings or really even prioritize what to pack – I headed out with my 13-year-old dog, birds, my daughter’s urn, and a few of the kids’ belongings. He is now the proud owner of all our worldly possessions. 

I am now painfully aware of all the events that culminated to this moment over the last few years.

I consider myself a pretty observant individual. I am skeptical to a fault and slow to accept questionable beliefs The exception to that rule is other humans. I can’t look at another person as inherently bad. Despite how many times it happens – it’s difficult for me to wrap my head around the idea that people choose to target and hurt others.

Around four years ago, I met my former roommate online. We got along well and had plenty in common. After some time of chatting, a lot of video-game playing, and enjoying each other’s company – we pursued something more. Our dating life was just as nice. He was great, and it seemed like life was finally moving forward.

At that time – I was on the tail end of recovering from major surgery to remove a large tumor that was cutting off the passage of cerebral fluid from my brainstem to my spinal cord. My husband left us the year prior, and I had recently gained the capacity to start my company – allowing for some much-needed income. I was living with a family-friend, and while it wasn’t the most optimal living situation, I could afford it by myself for my family.

We both lived busy lives, so the half an hour commute was a challenge. With my kids in the local school district and me not in a position to buy, he opted to just find a place a little closer.

A few weeks went by before he brought up what I should have known better than to pursue. “If we’re ultimately going to move in together anyways, I might as well just buy something for all of us, we’ll share expenses, and we can refinance in a few years with both of us on the mortgage.”

It’s when we closed on “our” house that things started to take a turn.

He became distant and withdrawn – sometimes not speaking to me for days at a time. I dedicated myself to my work, assuming it was a phase that would pass. When I was finally finished feeling alone in a relationship, we called it quits. He followed it up by telling me he didn’t want us to move out regardless and asked if we would stay. A couple of times, I asked about a written agreement, and he said it was unnecessary. Since there seem to be no evidence contradict that, I dropped the issue.

From then on, we lived as housemates. Not a single reference was made to a romantic relationship again, and it felt like a working resolution. We each contributed to typical house upkeep and costs, but mostly kept to ourselves and proceeded to live our lives.

I had no idea the strings that were attached until I started seeing someone two years later. What I thought was a good fit, seems to have actually been a silent infatuation. A long series of text messages made it clear he believed that by being there, I owed him another chance when he was ready. To his credit, he dropped it when I told him I was uncomfortable with the conversation.

We also made it to the point of moving in together at about the year mark. It made sense to offer to purchase my house, so we drew up and signed a a letter of intent. When that ultimately fell through (a fun story for another day), he ‘graciously’ agreed to keep our existing arrangement and move the timeline a few months to the summer.

Within a few weeks, there was a rare argument about the ‘loudness of the microwave fan,’ in which he shouted that he was going to see an attorney to evict us.

It wasn’t far into the process when I realized what was going on. Despite expecting contributions and maintenance far beyond the responsibilities of a tenant – like heating repair, maintaining appliances, and being solely responsible for groceries – he was going to frame it as though he was acting as a landlord simply managing a property. I would have no claim to the thousands of dollars in ‘joint investment’ we agreed upon.

I began house hunting, but the lines were murky. He claimed that he’d never want us to be homeless and he’d never actually put us in that position, so I should just continue to look for another place. When I asked if he still planned on selling, he said yes – he just didn’t want to sell to me anymore.